You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize