please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
