i don't like sucking hair
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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