Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
