There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
