"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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