You made me cry and you don't even care
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
