I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
