My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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