also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
