Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize