I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
