he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
