8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
