Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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