I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
