Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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