tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
