Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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