I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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