There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize