Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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