You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
