I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
