Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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