did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My bed smells like the plague
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
