i just had sex bonerless
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
