The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
