sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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