Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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