Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize