I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
