can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
