We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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