I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize