Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
