Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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