Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
