I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
