In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
