Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
