finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
