I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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