ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
