i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
