did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
porn star boner night. come get it.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
