I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
