Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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