i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
