Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
