My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
