i just wanna soil my oats bro
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize