She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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