Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
