Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My cat gives me a boner
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
