Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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