Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
