do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I want a musical about memes.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize