Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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