Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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