So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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