and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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