Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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