im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
