sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
